This strange episode arose in early May ... the Lifeguards at Newquay use a shapely female dummy, called Ruth, who is regularly thrown in the sea and when she has washed up (a woman's work is never done!) then they go to find her and perform a rescue. Sadly, when they went to find her in a local cove, she had disappeared .. this poem speculates on subsequent events!
It was emailed to the West Briton, but, again clearly failed to come up to their high standards.
I enjoyed writing it .. and I hope you enjoy reading it .. and please may we have our Ruth back?
It’s been reported, as this ode relates
That Newquay Lifeguards are quite ‘ruthless’.
We hear that an inebriated group of mates
Have stolen ‘Ruth’, their very own 'green goddess'.
Ruth is a shapely 7-stone beauty, in overalls of green.
A latest sighting saw her entering the Red Lion Inn.
Ransom demands? None have yet been seen!
RNLI officials plead “Give us back our heroine”
Perhaps our Ruth has finally flown the nest?
To live with ‘Dead Fred’ on the Towans Beach?
Sick of being dumped then rescued, now needs a rest?
Has Ruth retired and will forever be out of reach?
Did she nestle overnight in someone else’s bed?
To cause a shock next morning when his head is clear?
We hope this little prank is over and now that all is said
She’ll be found outside the Lifeguard Hut, and we’ll all cheer!
Was this whole episode just a ‘dummy’ run?
An inexpensive advert for the Lifeguard Institution?
It’s certainly caused a deal of Cornish fun!
We hope, with Ruth returned, it’ll bring more contributions!
Post Script! Rejoice! For Ruth, she has been found!
Her skirmish with the pranksters? Here it ends!
Sound the klaxon! Let celebrations know no bound!
Our demonstration dolly, undefiled, is back amongst her friends!
© Mandy Lifebotes May 2012